There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
