i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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