I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
