i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
