his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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