Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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