went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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