You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Randomize
