mondays should just be called national damage control day
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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