Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
