You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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