Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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