Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize