HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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