Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
