I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
