Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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