I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
