You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
