DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
my god I love twenty year old dicks
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
