Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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