He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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