Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
