So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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