so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Randomize
