whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
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