I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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