for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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