i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Randomize
