Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
