Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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