i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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