I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Randomize
