Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
