just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
My boob is missing a layer of skin
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
