Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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