Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
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