so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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