I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Randomize