I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
that is very illegal...i love you.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
