Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
