I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I skipped work to stalk him.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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