Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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