Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
