Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
