dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
