so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
