the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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