I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
