your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
