His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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