You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
