Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
