i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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