Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
