pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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