You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
