I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
