i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
