Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
