Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Randomize
