How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
