I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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