I looked at my own cervix.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
