Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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