i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
