No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
