I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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