Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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