btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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