My brain says no but my pants say off.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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